Defending Your Being

You don't have to be angry to make your point.

Sometimes there are points of contention that might ignite a wholehearted discussion about certain topics, and you get as angry as hell about it. Why?

Why do I get irritated when a person says something that I feel is aggressive? The answer is just that. You feel that you are being aggressed upon, but how? I mean it's only words; he's not choking or pointing a gun at me, so why the defensiveness? I guess it's that not all aggression is physical. Everybody wants to protect himself, you know, the fight or flight reaction. It's a matter of protecting your being from destruction. When person says that what you're saying is worthless, then he is abolishing you; he is acting as though you don't exist. Thus, he is destroying your existence. And you have to protect yourself verbally, at least.

But there are two points. One is why do you define your existence by what others say or think? I agree a human being is a social animal, social needs. He needs to feel accepted, but still your can't make yourself vulnerable, and easily available for whomsoever wants to inflict damage to you and your beloved being. I guess it's a balance, and also people are not the same regarding their need for acceptance.

But still it is not logical, I mean, defining the safety of your being by what others think or say, but again it hurts. I mean, is it fair to say to a person do say ouch when person throws a rock at you? Yes, the rock is something physical, but your body is something physical. And since your being has metaphysical side to it, metaphysical rocks hurt it. I mean, it's almost as if it's built into a human's DNA to mind what others think or feel about him. You know, even when you look at people who try to be abstract (think Ahmed, Dr. Laura) you just sense they are not normal. Maybe they are tough, or will themselves to be so, or act so, but everyone has that special somebody that he is vulnerable to. I guess it's called being human. I mean praising or scolding children is one of the primary ways of raising them. It's how we are hardwired.

But, you just can't put yourself in that position, especially in stressful environments (read: work).

Maybe the answer is just that. Teach/ remind yourself that it is not about you or about them; it's about work; that's the reality. So, don't stress yourself out. You don't have to defend yourself because you are not what is being assaulted, work is. Even if it's not how they say it, that's don't make it personal at least on your side. So, just smile.

17/ 1/ 2007: But who did the work? it's you. In the end, it is you who produced the faulty results. I guess the real answer is you're going to be vulnerable to people, that you don't have a choice about. What you do have a choice about is which people you make yourself vulnerable to.

In other words, if someone that I absolutely don't know curses me, I don't care because what he thinks and says, in fact who he himself is, is not important to me.

The problem is usually when someone who is dear to you or someone who you respect hurts you; then it really hurts. So, choose wisely who you love and respect because in effect your handing them the only weapon anyone can use to harm you.

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