The link above leads to an article by Time about Mother Teresa's crisis of faith. Below are some quotes from her letters:
Jesus has a very special love for you. As for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great that I look and do not see, listen and do not hear.
— Mother Teresa to the Rev. Michael Van Der Peet, September 1979
Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? The Child of your Love — and now become as the most hated one — the one — You have thrown away as unwanted — unloved. I call, I cling, I want — and there is no One to answer — no One on Whom I can cling — no, No One. — Alone ... Where is my Faith — even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness & darkness — My God — how painful is this unknown pain — I have no Faith — I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd in my heart — & make me suffer untold agony.
So many unanswered questions live within me afraid to uncover them — because of the blasphemy — If there be God — please forgive me — When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven — there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives & hurt my very soul. — I am told God loves me — and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul. Did I make a mistake in surrendering blindly to the Call of the Sacred Heart?
— addressed to Jesus, at the suggestion of a confessor, undated
Tell me, Father, why is there so much pain and darkness in my soul?
— to the Rev. Lawrence Picachy, August 1959
Hurts doesn't it?
I don't believe in Christianity, but her spiritual pain hurts me all the same.
What hurts me most is her sincerity in wanting and longing for the bliss and joy of faith that she used to feel, but doesn't anymore. Getting lost and going astray especially with people who want to please the Almighty, but not knowing how or whether what they are doing is right is very painful.
From what I read about her, I now think, from a view point of a Muslim, that there might be people who can be sincere and really want to please God (according to their definition of God), but go astray.
Maybe their system of thinking is such that it can't allow any contrary information to their faith to pass no matter how many times the plain truth passes their path. I've certainly met people who manage to create a system of thought the cuts out outside thought, no matter how right, from penetrating or getting in.
In Islam, we are encouraged to think and to accept knowledge even from the devil himself if it is true. But aside from faith, I wonder if I've cocooned myself in other aspects of life and denied myself knowledge that can be very beneficial.
The question is can a person's strife to understand by creating a system that attempts to pull together different aspects of reality be his very enemy to seeing reality completely in the first place!
How weak we are if our stride for perfection can be the basis of our weakness!
1 comment:
Matchless topic, it is very interesting to me))))
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