Why Do People Have Different Social Styles?

We lately attended a training session called Managing Interpersonal Relationships. It was very interesting. During the few days that followed, I was absolutely consumed by my thoughts about the content of the course and what it all meant.

You see, I had been thinking a lot about that very topic, and that course crystallized and brought together many of theories I was playing with in my mind.

The basic idea of the course was about identifying, understanding and interacting effectively with the four different social styles. The four social styles being: the Driver who is basically after achievement, the Analytic who is basically most comfortable using logic, the Amiable who is most comfortable building and maintaining relationships, and the Expressive who loves to work with meaning and ideas.

I guess it all started to come together when I started to combine my theory about individual reality being a process of finding relationships between different occurrences in life (building blocks) and trying to build our own version of the small part of reality we have been exposed to (see previous post.)

To me, what it all boils down to is values and what each person perceives as important in life.

The Driver, through his interaction with the world and different experiences, has come to the conclusion that achievement is the thing that gets him the results that he wants from life; therefore, he has come to value achievement. As a result of adopting this perception of life or reality, the driver starts to talk and act in a manner that facilitates achievement. For example, he always seems in control, he starts to view people as tools, he has no time for such things as humor, or "small talk"; all of this runs contrary to his perception of the world and how to draw results from it. It not that he is mean; it's just he honestly doesn't see why people do these things

A Driver is mostly preoccupied with the physical dimension of the world.

The Analytic has come to the conclusion that through logic he can get the results he wants from life; dealing with the world rationally yields results. Therefore, he also talks, dresses, and acts in a way representative of his value system. He dresses in a way that makes sense, talks reservedly, pays very close attention to detail, and always requires facts, and doesn't understand people who talk about intuition and gut feelings without data to back it up.

An Analytic is mostly preoccupied with the mental dimension of life.

The Amiable believes that healthy social relationships and emotional stability is thing that is really important in life because it's the thing that yields most of the results. Because he thinks that building and maintaining healthy relationships are the most important things in life, he starts to dress, talk and act in ways that draw others to him/ her. You'll find this person touching others during conversation and sitting near them. He will speak in calm warm way. He will wear clothes that give a sense of ease and comfort to those around him. He spends a lot of energy mending and building relationships. He might lose track of the objective or deadline just to avoid hurting anyone's feelings.

The Amiable is concerned mostly with the emotional/ social dimension of life.

The Expressive puts most emphasis on thought, ideas, meaning and creativity. By understanding what everything means, developing ideas, and being creative, he has gotten results throughout his life and therefore values these things. Because of his loyalty to meaning, he rarely takes things personally. On the contrary, he welcomes criticism that can help him understand. This person will speak as fast as he can think; always expressing his thoughts and feelings. He uses his face and body to draw visual representations of what he is talking about. These people have a hard time paying attention to details, because, to them, it doesn't effect the overall meaning. These people are interested about what life is really about. They are the philosophers.

The Expressive is mostly concerned about the spiritual dimension of life.

Now, don't get me wrong! These examples are to some extent extremes for the purpose of illustration. Most people have realize the value and importance of all the for aspects of life, the physical, the mental, the emotional, and the spiritual. The real issue is that of priorities. Meaning that in tough situations, the Driver opt for results, even if it means hurting others feels, and the Amiable will forego the deadline just not to pressure his people. It basically a matter of tendency.

Ultimately, the overarching result that they're all aspiring for is happiness. The deep insight that I've gained is that, no matter how each one of these people treats you, what they are trying to do is bring happiness to themselves and those around them the best way the know how.

I realize that there is such a thing as malicious behavior, but there is always a reason for why people act the way they do, not an excuse, but a reason.

That's why in Islam, and many other religions, it never encouraged to aggress, but always encouraged to forgive.

Thanks Lundy!

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